Fighting against doing too much

I have had this desire to step up my game in a couple areas of my life.  Now that I’m healthy and on the way to becoming the man I want to become, I’ve wanted to do more.  Doing more is not always the answer.  I feel it is important to determine where more is good and staying the status quo is the better option.

For example, I’m happy with my health progress especially my workout routine.  But, I’m starting to get the urge to do more.  After thinking about it some more, I’m going to give my current routine till the end of March too see where my results are then.  This way, I don’t overdue it.  I’m pretty sure I’m the past I tried to do too much and lost my desire in the long run.  Why mess with something that is working so well at the moment?  Now, if I’m still at my current levels at the end of March definitely will make adjustments.  

In regards to looking to help others more, I believe I’m definitely lacking in this area and I have a huge need for improvement here.  To me, this is something I will monitor to find the right situation for me.  I need to be passionate about it and feel the call to help in this area.  I want this to be a long lasting lifestyle change so I will make sure to choose wisely. 

It’s always important to analyze and make sure changes that you make are not going to set you back in your quest in life.

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90 Days

Tomorrow is going to be 90 days of sobriety and making the choice to change my life around.  Now, I’m not gonna sit here and say everything I wanted to happen did happen.  That’s life.  I’ve had many challenges and many disappointments.  I’ve even had the hardest week of my adult life happen this past week.  What I can say is, I survived.  I was able to find different ways to handle it then I would have in the past.  Now, for my accomplishments,

  1. Lost 30 pounds 
  2. Built a successful workout program that will be with me for the rest of my life
  3. Built a better relationship with my daughter 
  4. Have more confidence in myself
  5. Starting to think of dreams and goals for myself
  6. Found a very successful eating plan
  7. Researched supplements to increase my health 
  8. Increased my desire at work and my results are improving too
  9. Joined a soccer league 
  10. Built a better relationship with my parents
  11. Learned to be more honest
  12. Starting to improve my relationship with God 
  13. Starting to be happy with inner self
  14. Holding myself accountable for my life and deciding to fight for it

I think this is a lot to do in 90 days.  I’m very proud and my goals for the next 90 days are 

  1. Stay sober has to be #1
  2. Lose another 15 pounds
  3. Increase results at work to the next level 200,000 materials sold or set to be by the end of 2017
  4. Have all financial issues resolved
  5. Better my relationship with my wife to the best place it can be
  6. Start planning my trip to Europe 
  7. 100% believe in myself that I’m going to be great going forward
  8. Start getting involved in groups to help others that I’m interested in

Staying True

I’m writing about staying true to my goals today.  The reason I am is because I feel like it’s been probably the hardest week emotionally of my entire adult life.  I noticed I started to breakdown and lose sight of my goals.  I started to fall back into old bad habits.  Luckily, drinking was not one of them.  I thank God for helping me through this week.  

My first goal that started to deteriorate was my healthy eating habits.  I started eating more then usual.  I’m glad I was honest and logged my food so I was able to analyze it over the past couple days.

My workouts weren’t as much fun and had to really push through to finish them.  

What I found amazing though, I started increasing my level of commitment to AA and my foundations of staying sober.  My awareness of self pity.  Self Pity was probably the word of my week.  Why me, I would say.  Why can’t I be happy?  What can I do to change it back to the way it was?  All normal questions given my current situation, but I believe not the right questions.  I should be asking, what am I going to do this week to make it a good week?  Whom can I help to give them the strength they need?  

I’m proud to say, I’m still standing.  I’m proud to say 90 days Sober will be ME tomorrow.  I’m proud to say I’m looking forward to the man I will be 6 months from now and beyond.  I’m learning so much and know Self-Pity is not coming with me.  

Forgotten Health Advice 

I use to not make sleep a priority.  Around the time I made all these changes in my life, I dedicated myself to increasing my average sleep amount.  I use to get about 6 hours of sleep.  I can’t believe how I was able to function with all the drinking and unhealthy life I was living.  The truth is even when I was giving it my all in a day my body was never 100%.  I was never able to reach my full potential during the day.  

Now, of course, life gets in the way and I don’t get 8 hours of sleep a night like I should.  But, I can say I’m averaging about 7.5 hours of sleep now.  The way I feel in the morning is like night and day.  You have to make it important.  During the week I get up at 5:30 to start my day.  So that means I need to have a goal of being asleep by 9:30.  That is very early for me.  But, I believe all these changes and the goals I have in place depend on me getting a good night sleep.  I need to be at my best to continue my journey of developing my new lifestyle.  

Search for Inner Self Happiness and Dreams

When I placed this goal on my list.  I have to admit I really didn’t know how to solve it, just that it was important.  How do I find inner happiness and what kind of dreams do I need to strive for?  

Inner Self Happiness, to me, is confidence in themselves to be able to achieve anything.  Furthermore, calmness and peace with the direction of one’s life.  Like I mentioned, I’m at a crossroads.  I’m able to dig my new path and develop it the way I see fit.  I truly believe with God’s help that as long as I put my trust in him and I put the work in I will be able achieve anything.  I know there will be tests and complications along the way.  I can’t let my trust and hard work die.  I have to fight harder and express my will to move forward.  

Dreams.  The sad thing is when I was a drunk I didn’t really have dreams.  I didn’t have the self confidence that I could achieve anything.  I was hoping to get lucky.  I was a hard worker with no direction or plan in mind.  Picture a rodent running aimlessly on a wheel as fast as he can.  That’s what I feel I was.  A hard worker that didn’t really get anywhere.  What do I want to change?  Well, I find my work doesn’t feel like work.  It’s my livelihood, it’s my key to unlocking what I want.  I have started to remember how much I enjoyed traveling when I grew up.  I want to take a trip to Europe next year.  I want to explore my areas of interests like history and cultural aspects of society.  As for other dreams, I’m planning on getting more involved with the homeless and helping them get on their feet.  You might say, why is this a dream?  Because in the past, I was so selfish I didn’t have the time.  Because when I do true unselfish acts it makes me happier and I learn so much about myself.  Because I believe helping someone who doesn’t have a home achieve there dreams now that is truly exceptional.  That is the life I want.  An exceptional, beautiful life that I can be happy to say I live.

I’ll end by saying of course I have other dreams of substance.  But, right now I’m taking it slow.  I’m focused on these two for the next 12 months.  I look forward to report back on my challenges and achievements in these areas.

Forgiveness 

Forgiveness is one of the hardest acts of love.  To start the process, I need to start with acceptance.  I need to accept the things I cannot change.  I need the courage to change the things I can.  Love has many layers to it and can be made more complicated if you are unable to accept and forgive.  I need to let go and accept.  I believe my higher power will guide me through my life and has a plan for me.  I’m not there yet, but I do see where the tunnel is and that makes me happy.  It’s better then be hopeless…

Self Analyzing 

Today was a bad day.  Nothing seemed to go right.  Now reflecting on why and what I could’ve done differently makes me think about my Part in it.

I come to the conclusion I was weak today.  I showed my fear of change and didn’t communicate well to help my day.  My attitude was not positive today.  Bottom line, I didn’t trust my higher power to handle my affairs today.  I wasn’t following my plan.

I’m encouraged that I’m taking this step to analyze my day and what I could do to better it.  In the past, I would have gotten a 6er and drowned my pain in that.  I’m learning to self analyze.  I’m going to take this as a win and use this to be stronger in the future.  I will be better the next time.  I look forward to this next challenge and feel confident I will be up to the task.