One of my goals has been spiritual progress. To be honest, it has been put on the back burner recently. I won’t make excuses because I know I could’ve worked it out where it would have been a priority. Between this, and being stuck on step 10 in AA for a while makes me think. Why? Why haven’t I progressed as much in these two areas as I have in almost every category that I strive to be better? Am I scared? What am I afraid of? Is it as simple as it being difficult to take on all the different goals I have set forth? Or is that taking the easy way out?
What I know, is for all these goals I’m working to be successful then this has to be #1. I think I lost sight of that. I know I believe in God. I want to have a deep connection with him as I have felt various times throughout the past months. Without God and AA I would probably be dead. It’s really true. The path I was headed. The mindset I had when I was gonna buy my last 12er of beer before I said no was descructive and up to no good. I know it to be true. It scares me to think of the place I was only 7 months ago. I only cared about myself.
I’m writing this today in hope if someone feels they are good on their own to deal with addiction they are wrong. We all need our support for whatever it is. God, sponsor, or your peer group. Remember this and live it before it’s too late. Thankfully it’s not too late for me. I reminded myself tonight with prayer and reading. I have and I am where I am today because of my trust in God. I owe it to my fellow AA members to be there for them as they have been for me.
I’m done analyzing the past two weeks. No hard feelings just motivation to change the future and steer back on the right track.