They say when it rains it pours. It is definitely pouring in my life right now. I believe I’m in the middle of a large test in my life right now. In some areas, I’m passing with flying colors. These would be getting healthy, developing a greater relationship with God and becoming more aware of my defects of character. Now, I’m definitely failing in a lot of other areas. I think part of the reason Is because I’m needing to take a step back. A deep breath for perspective and clarity. I need to stop demanding and expecting everything to be normal or ok by a certain timetable. I’m going to use the old cliche take it one day at a time. I’m going to stay focused on the task in front of me.
I have a lot of major life changes coming in the very near future. But, worrying or trying to control them on a daily basis will not change them. So, im going to come out and say it. Im getting a divorce no matter what. There is nothing I can do to change that. Im going to have a very limited budget to live on unless I have a very successful year/career st my current job. My daughter will have major changes in her life that will make it hard to parent her at times for the rest of her life. The divorce is my fault based on all my actions and attitude through the years of us being together. She is happier without me. I am not the right person to give her what she wants. My dad will be ok but his recent health issues are a reality as we get older no matter how much we take care of ourselves.
These statements might sound depressing and sad, but to me they are a reality. I need to accept these all and understand I’m strong enough to face them on my own. It’s my time to step up after years of mailing it in. I have an opportunity to take these situations and become a positive influence on all involved. I want to inspire and support others through to the happiness we all seek. I can’t do that by not accepting and understanding these statements. I’m there yet, but I will be.